Now, I'm not sure if it's such a good idea to talk about how/when I got it, but in any case I got my hands on a copy of the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie... From Thailand. Oh yes. This means that the "English subtitles" that are on the disc are typed in by some dude with an extremely limited understanding of the English language, so you just know it's gonna be good. And it was.
If you clicked the link, I bet you're smart enough to know what's coming, so I'll just go ahead and explain a few things before I start... Oftentimes, the subtitles are simply missing because the dude typing in the subtitles didn't understand what was said. This also results in some sentences getting cut off midway, because only the parts that were understood have been typed in. So for example, a sentence going like "I am going to bash your head in with a frozen turkey, little girl" could be subtitled as such: I am going to... little girl. Most of the time the result of this is stupid and unfunny, but sometimes it does serve to amuse.. Well, I'll let you be the judge.
Let us, without further ado, embark on this epic journey.
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To their credit, they managed to get the first line correct.
Sam starts bitching right after waking up. Originally, he expresses concern for Frodo's lack of sleep, not his own.
Sam subsequently goes into narrative mode.
Frodo disagrees.
...But admits that he has no clue either.
They pack their stuff and continue their chase after some unknown creature or object that is apparently headed for Mordor.
Merry: "Welcome, my lords, to Isengard"
The two hobbits brag about having acquired some well end comfort(?).
Among those comforts being some salty pot. The effects of which are showing on Pippin's face.
Gimli would like some salty pot too...
It really puzzles me how they can get the names wrong. If they go through the trouble of making up names, they might as well spend 2 minutes finding the actual names on the net.
Treebeard: "Locked in his tower."
Gandalf is going senile.
Treebeard spreads the hippie message.
...And asks Pippin to get his hands off his bark...
I liked this one. He's actually saying: "Hail the victorious dead."
His meaning is slightly different in this translation...
...What?
Gollum decides to scrap the original plan and take the hobbits to a gay bar instead.
He then reveals his evil intentions.
Gollum apparently wants to be called Precious by the hobbits. This is pretty well in line with his intentions of taking them to the Winding Star.
Legolas talks about some mellow people in the east who have trouble sleeping.
Gandalf lectures Theodon about the ill effects of smoking salty pot.
War monger Aragorn: "They must be warned!"
Gandalf reassures Aragorn: "They will be."
Gandalf once again has delusions of grandeur.
Denethor resorts to calling Aragorn names.
The orcs are spreading the hippie message.
Anonymous onlooker calls Gandalf the white tiger. He seems to have a different title each time we see him. I am also curious as to how he acquired this particular nickname.
Denethor confesses his shameful feelings for Pippin.
Agent Smith - I mean Elrond - gives Aragorn some bad news about.. Something.
Explaining common orc tactics.
Spontaneously combusting flesh is a problem that costs many lives in Middle Earth.
To avoid this, Denethor has come up with a brilliant counter measure: soaking himself in water.
Eowyn made a heroic effort to save Theodon...
But he is die.
...And even has the cheek to call out another woman's name right at the end.
Originally: "Eowyn..."
Meanwhile, Pippin is lamenting all the things he and Merry never got to do together.
This orc thinks of deserting his post. I guess grey ice is a holiday resort for orcs.
...And he threatens to leave Frodo alone. A scary thought indeed.
Sam also has some scandalous relationship with Arwen.
Sam then tries to sell Frodo something.
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From this point on, the translations become extremely random, but not in a funny way... Just very very weird. So I'll stop here, with one last translation that I did find amusing:
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As luck would have it, this is the same sort of error that there was in the Star Wars translation that I linked to in the beginning of the entry. It takes a special kind of fail to get it wrong when the words are right there on the screen.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I've got lots and lots of other crazy snapshots, but I tried to keep this somewhat short so I didn't include them.
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