I gotta tell you folks, I absolutely love the CLANNAD visual novel. It's awesome in every way, from the tear-wrenching stories to the great humor. Everything about it just works perfectly.
But I have now run into a problem that I cannot get out of so easily. You see, I want to complete Kyou's route
(cause she's god damn awesome), but the only way to do that is by acting in a way that I can't justify morally.. Explanation follows:
The thing I like about romance animes is that they allow me to
test my thoughts on human relationships, so to speak. If you watch alot of romance animes, you'll know that it almost never goes smoothly, and those 'bad' outcomes allow me to work out some guidelines on how NOT to act when dealing with love. I know, I'm a control freak. I'm horrified at the notion that love is something that can't be analyzed and put into neat little boxes. Luckily, it can!
So here is my "answer", if you will, on what conduct you must always exercise in connection with the feeling of love.
(This will be long-winded, but it is necessary for later understanding):
My nature is that of a self-loather, I must admit. I am a person who will see to his own happiness last
(not trying to look cool, it is strictly for my own sake). Therefore, I will never allow myself to acheive something if it comes at the expense of others. I believe this is the only right way to act in any situation, love included of course. The first, iron-clad rule is to always, ALWAYS make sure what your feelings are before you act on them! Otherwise you'll end up hurting someone, and undoubtedly yourself as well.
Second, if you find that your feelings are indeed genuine and decide to act upon them, you should be very hesitant, ready to pull away at any time, since various problems may arise. For instance, the object of your affection could be in love with someone else, or there could be another guy who's also in love with her and trying to get her attention. In this case, pull out immediately and forget about it. Others' happiness must not be hindered in the pursuit of your own, remember?
And should you find yourself in a situation where you have violated one of these rules, thus finding yourself in a love relationship with someone who loves you but whom you don't love back, it's your god damned duty to act as though you love her and stay with her until the day she loses interest in you. This will henceforth be referred to as the code of conduct, or CoC
(cause I'm lazy)Now here's my problem: Kyou's route is only attainable through selfish actions that violate this CoC! That's my problem in a nutshell >_>
Spoilers for Kyou's route are incoming, but I bet you were prepared for that.
You see, Kyou is actually following my code, at least to a certain extent
(though not properly, which is why it gets fucked up). She's in love with the protagonist, but knows that her sister is as well. Therefore she decides, correctly so, to see to her sister's happiness and disregard her own. However, she forgets to apply the code of conduct to others, and actively tries to make the protagonist violate it. Of course, the responsibility lies with the protagonist since he must not falter, but she is still wrong for trying to make him act in violation of the CoC. Always act as though other people are morally devoid, just to be on the safe side. This is another life lesson BTW!
Anyway, she strongly encourages you, the protagonist, to engage in a relationship with her sister even though you don't really know her and therefore don't have feelings for her obviously.
This is what is wrong with the way people go about love today. It's like the relationship comes first and then the feelings afterwards. This is in complete conflict with the idea that you should only act upon feelings that are genuine. How can you act upon feelings that aren't there at all?
And of course it turns out, at least if you make the choices that open up Kyou's route, that you're in love with Kyou, not her sister, and now you're in a pinch where you're lovers with someone whose feelings you don't return. This is where I'm now stuck in the VN. God dammit!
You see, if this were an anime where I had no say in what were to happen, I could live with seeing the protagonist making the wrong decisions. I'd be content with yelling at the screen and be happy that my CoC had once again been confirmed. But when I AM given a choice, I cannot help but feel guilty as I activly try to act in a way I know I shouldn't, just to get through Kyou's route. I'm sure you know this feeling too if you've ever played RPGs? Where you always want to act like the good guy
(at least I do) even though you know it's just a game..
...Okay, maybe i'm just screwed up. Anyway, this has gone on for far too long. Are you even still reading? You've got some serious patience. And maybe you're as fucked up as I am if you can sit through all that without suffering brain damage. REJOYCE!
Erm so.. Bye for now, I guess.
(I put the tag "philosophy" on this entry as well... Because while this may not be considered philosophy in the conventional sense, it is certainly an attempt to find the truth of what the moral way to act, when dealing with social contracts, is.)
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