Lord of The Rings Mutilated!

So, most of you will propably remember a hilarious Star Wars translation from many years back. If you haven't watched it, you have been violated and should immediately go here.

Now, I'm not sure if it's such a good idea to talk about how/when I got it, but in any case I got my hands on a copy of the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie... From Thailand. Oh yes. This means that the "English subtitles" that are on the disc are typed in by some dude with an extremely limited understanding of the English language, so you just know it's gonna be good. And it was.

If you clicked the link, I bet you're smart enough to know what's coming, so I'll just go ahead and explain a few things before I start... Oftentimes, the subtitles are simply missing because the dude typing in the subtitles didn't understand what was said. This also results in some sentences getting cut off midway, because only the parts that were understood have been typed in. So for example, a sentence going like "I am going to bash your head in with a frozen turkey, little girl" could be subtitled as such: I am going to... little girl. Most of the time the result of this is stupid and unfunny, but sometimes it does serve to amuse.. Well, I'll let you be the judge.
Let us, without further ado, embark on this epic journey.
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To their credit, they managed to get the first line correct.


Sam starts bitching right after waking up. Originally, he expresses concern for Frodo's lack of sleep, not his own.


Sam subsequently goes into narrative mode.


Frodo disagrees.


...But admits that he has no clue either.


They pack their stuff and continue their chase after some unknown creature or object that is apparently headed for Mordor.


Merry: "Welcome, my lords, to Isengard"


The two hobbits brag about having acquired some well end comfort(?).


Among those comforts being some salty pot. The effects of which are showing on Pippin's face.


Gimli would like some salty pot too...


It really puzzles me how they can get the names wrong. If they go through the trouble of making up names, they might as well spend 2 minutes finding the actual names on the net.


Treebeard: "Locked in his tower."


Gandalf is going senile.


Treebeard spreads the hippie message.


...And asks Pippin to get his hands off his bark...


I liked this one. He's actually saying: "Hail the victorious dead."
His meaning is slightly different in this translation...


...What?


Gollum decides to scrap the original plan and take the hobbits to a gay bar instead.


He then reveals his evil intentions.


Gollum apparently wants to be called Precious by the hobbits. This is pretty well in line with his intentions of taking them to the Winding Star.


Legolas talks about some mellow people in the east who have trouble sleeping.


Gandalf lectures Theodon about the ill effects of smoking salty pot.


War monger Aragorn: "They must be warned!"


Gandalf reassures Aragorn: "They will be."


Gandalf once again has delusions of grandeur.


Denethor resorts to calling Aragorn names.


The orcs are spreading the hippie message.


Anonymous onlooker calls Gandalf the white tiger. He seems to have a different title each time we see him. I am also curious as to how he acquired this particular nickname.


Denethor confesses his shameful feelings for Pippin.


Agent Smith - I mean Elrond - gives Aragorn some bad news about.. Something.


Explaining common orc tactics.


Spontaneously combusting flesh is a problem that costs many lives in Middle Earth.
To avoid this, Denethor has come up with a brilliant counter measure: soaking himself in water.


Eowyn made a heroic effort to save Theodon...
But he is die.


...And even has the cheek to call out another woman's name right at the end.
Originally: "Eowyn..."


Meanwhile, Pippin is lamenting all the things he and Merry never got to do together.


This orc thinks of deserting his post. I guess grey ice is a holiday resort for orcs.


...And he threatens to leave Frodo alone. A scary thought indeed.


Sam also has some scandalous relationship with Arwen.


Sam then tries to sell Frodo something.

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From this point on, the translations become extremely random, but not in a funny way... Just very very weird. So I'll stop here, with one last translation that I did find amusing:
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As luck would have it, this is the same sort of error that there was in the Star Wars translation that I linked to in the beginning of the entry. It takes a special kind of fail to get it wrong when the words are right there on the screen.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I've got lots and lots of other crazy snapshots, but I tried to keep this somewhat short so I didn't include them.

Owned by offhanded philosophy...

Since I've been postponing my last Venomfang reply to the extreme, I've decided to write about something else just to take my mind off that little rat. I'll get around to it eventually, but for now I just need to write about something else. So here goes.

I was watching School Rumble the other day, and pretty much out of nowhere, a certain line owned me so subtly that it took me a while to register just what the hell happened. Without spoiling, I'll simply say that a guy is asked what he thinks love is; A huge question that has been asked by every single person throughout the ages, and that has caused many a sleepless night for me personally. I am sure that no matter who you are, you have thought a lot about this and undoubtedly tried to reach a simple truth that encompases every aspect of this strange and wondrous feeling. In other words, it's one of those questions that you can spend a damn long time thinking about, to the point of almost going insane. And yet here we have a bloody comedy anime that doesn't even make the attempt to be any more than superficial lol moments and romance comedy wherein, suddenly, the following line is spoken: (paraphrasing, since it's in Japanese and because I really don't want to spend a week finding the actual quote) "I may not know much about it, but when I see something beautiful like a sunrise I want to share that moment and that beauty with someone. That is was I think love is."

And god dammit, folks, that is exactly what I think love is. If the art of translating feelings into language is about finding words that trigger the desired emotions in someone when spoken, then that line is the absolute best attempt at explaining the feeling of love that I've heard in a very long time. Of course I am aware that those same words might completely fail to make others feel this way, but for whatever reason that line just really made sense to me when I read it. Why not simply put it that way? What's the need for all those complicated words to try and explain some incomprehensible and fleeting feeling that, in the end, doesn't even cover that which you originally intended to describe? Because here we have it, put in such a simple way that you can really only laugh at it, while at the same time you must stand in awe of the power that those few simple words hold.

After having that "wow" feeling for a while, I came to my senses and realized that a friggin COMEDY anime had just absolutely pwned me and made a mockery of all the time I've spent pondering over this question. In about 4 seconds, with a line spoken offhandedly and presented in such a way as if to say "well, it's not really a big deal.", the burned and mangled carcass of my dignity was left as a smoking pile on the battlefield. Dammit! Having philosophy in anime is great, and part of the reason why I watch anime to begin with, but... Please have the courtesy to deliver such truths in a more serious manner so as to not make the rest of us look like idiots for having spent countless hours late at night trying to find those same answers!

Another example that I can think of is in the anime Kyouran Kazoku Nikki (win anime, watch it for free awesome). This is a very fast-paced and generally insane comedy anime that utilizes the untameable forces of craziness to its fullest advantage. In other words: Not really an anime that requires much thought. Yet when confronted with the question of how she can love herself so much, the main female character answers: "How can you love others when you don't love yourself? This world is fun because you're the main character of your life."
Yet again I feel that, somehow, one of the most central questions of our existence has been answered in a completely nonchalant and offhanded way. Maybe it's my obsession with finding simple ways of relaying complicated thoughts that drives me to read more into the words than were intended, but the fact remains that they recalled those feelings in me that I admire musicians and other artists for being able to describe so accurately. And once again I realize that I'm watching a god damned comedy anime which almost requires you to have your brain switched off for the jokes to be funny. And it makes me feel sort of like >_>

It's kind of sad and yet funny at the same time when this happens, but I recognize that perhaps the reason why those lines made sense to me the way they did was due to the fact that I had already found my own answers. At least you have to have spent some time pondering these questions on beforehand in order to recognize the truth of those words. And I may also simply be seeing meaning that isn't there, which of course makes it more bearable for me.

But still... I can't help but feel pretty damn pwned whenever this happens to me.

Busy real life sucks god dammit.

Well as the title implies, I've had some unexpected real life issues that had to be resolved, which is why I've been slacking :/ Anyway, it's all over now and I should get some time later today to get that last venomfang video out of the way and out of my life.

Should of never bothered with him in the first place... Anyway, that's all for now.

Venomfangx just won't stop spewing his crap (part 4 released on the 4th day)

I want to make a prediction.
We will be getting a total of 6 videos in this series, all released a day apart, symbolizing the 6 days of creation. This is because Venomfang, despite his rugged and adult appearence, is really a child at heart, and when he's not dressing up as batman and uploading videos of it, he likes to play another kind of superhero: God's messenger. He who was persecuted on youtube for spreading the word, and who returned after being cast out, and now finally destroys evolution and rebuilds god's kingdom in 6 days. Well, let's see if I won't be right.

Coincidentally, just as I was checking youtube for the last time of the night, REALLY FUCKING HOPING that there wouldn't be another venomfangx video waiting for me, what did I find? You guessed it, and you better go watch it too before he once again finds something so stupid that even he can see it, and decides to re upload an edited version. For now, watch it here.

I really bloody wish he'd stop making my brain cells commit suicide with his pathetic parodies that somehow always seem to pwn himself without him noticing. Well, he did notice in the last video.. After a while. I think it's a testament to just how far gone creationists are, if they watch his videos and proceed to leave comments like the following: "hahaha I like this !!! this is funny :))lol intro was very hilarious :)) God bless shawn !! spread the word of God"
The word of god, eh? I have only one thing to say to that. If god really has such a shitty sense of humor, then heaven is one place I absolutely do NOT want to spend my eternity! The thought of hearing horrible impersonations of Yoda every single day in an endless fucking chain of insanity isn't my idea of a good time. Let's not comment on the impersonations, but I do hope you experience the horror before it gets taken down.

Venomfang now shows himself as the true, pompous asshole that he is by declaring his unconditional love for all the undeserving and evil atheists like me who persecuted him for his beliefs. Vomited yet? He really is full of himself in his video, and this part alone is enough to demonstrate that. It really is hard to control one's anger when a conceited little bastard sits there and talks about how much better he is than you for loving you even though you're so cruel to him. Once again he just likes to hear himself talk. And as for the kid believing in Santa analogy.. Granted, he does act like a kid in many ways, but amongst the more significant differences are the facts that he has the ability to vote, is openly attacking scientific progress, and is dragging other people down with him into the dark hole of religious fundamentalism.
This is merely yet another fucking case of "Look, they's hatin' mah gawd, they knows he's real!"

No, Venomfang, people most often just find you fucking annoying. You do not pose a threat to anyone's world view, and the most threatening you will ever get is when you deliberately try to put sugar in the gas tank of scientific progress. This is why people respond to your wild claims instead of just having a good laugh at your expense as I think they should have done. The reason why these responses then get hostile in nature can be explained by your attitude. Piss off. Moving on to the part that should be interesting: The flood and the ark (a.k.a. "Jurassic park on a boat for a whole fucking year")

It's pretty apparent, that he doesn't know what he's talking about, but regardless he starts poo-pooing at the geologic column. Let's ignore both the fact that he hasn't done the slightest bit of research into what could have caused limestone to appear with these intervals, and the fact that the geological column looks different depending on where you are. If a global flood occurred, we would have the same bloody layers all around the world, with no fractures, no irregularities, and no other signs of geological activity. Let's just look at how he once again self destructs by circular pwnage. For as he himself states, when you drop a bunch of materials in water they tend to sort themselves in a certain order depending on density and mass. Three things are wrong with his reasoning: First, how the hell, if all the layers we find were formed during one global flood, can there be layers of the exact same rock many miles apart? If the layers were formed in one swoop like Venomfang suggests then we would see ALL the limestone in ONE layer, not spread out between layers of other stuff. Second, a flood doesn't exactly bring the kind of order that venomfang seems to think. It will certainly not know to deposit all the dinosaur fossils below the mammoth fossils. Third, such a flood would only affect a relatively small part of the entire geological column. We have miles and miles of layers on top of one another, and no matter how much fucking water you have it's not gonna stir up that much soil. And I don't know about you, but I think the water would have a hard time dissolving solid rock and subsequently arranging it in neat layers. Just a thought.

I said this in my commentary to part 3, but apparently it didn't work, so here it is again: Using science to disprove science makes you look like a god damn idiot. Because you rely on the very thing that you claim to be false to make your argument. I laugh at you, silly person.

I now have some shocking news. I mean really, I wasn't that shocked, but still pretty surprised. Venomfangx does not know what erosion is. He actually asks where the material comes from, if we have layers piling up! That's right folks, he doesn't know even the most basic principles of geology and yet claims to have a better insight into the formation of the Grand Canyon than the people who have spent most of their lives studying it. Arrogance is such an endearing character trait, isn't it? And then he proceeds to use his now pretty well-known argument that because he is too fucking stupid to imagine how something could have happened, it couldn't have happened. This includes polystrate fossils and the grand canyon being formed. It is painful to hear him say these things, as if it wouldn't have occurred to the geologists if it were this fucking simple. God dammit, I'm getting pissed off again. All facts aside (as is usually the case with Venomfangx), he attempts to make it look like creationism has just as much ground to stand on as evolution by setting up both of these viewpoints as being mere interpretations of the evidence. This is both dishonest and insanely wrong.

I have said it before in an earlier entry, but just for good measure I'll say it again: Any theory is logically sound as long as it accounts for the evidence. This includes evolution, deism, and even the flying spaghetti monster. What it doesn't include, Venomfangx, is your weak and illogical version of god who created the universe in 6 days and who acts like a supreme asshole throughout the idiotic book that he failed to circulate in such a manner that would allow everyone on Earth to find the truth of his existence. If he made a book, wanting us to find out the truth, don't you think he would've been a little more successful? Your world view does not account for retro viral DNA, chromosome fusion, neanderthal DNA, the constant speed of light that indicates an old universe, the geological evidence, the astrological evidence, and it wouldn't make much fucking sense even if it did. And I'll tell you why: If evolution doesn't happen and the universe is only 6000 years old, then all the conclusive evidence that points to evolution and an old universe has all been planted by your god deliberately, while knowing that it would deceive all the scientists. Plainly speaking, a god cannot have created life without evolution and not be a deceiving god. Your world view does not hold a candle to evolution, you little rat bastard, and you are already well aware of that.

Wonderful, now my beautiful morning is ruined. I really should have finished this entry last night so I wouldn't be is a shitty mood right from the start of the day now. Damn you, Venomfangx! Well, if my theory is correct then we only have to endure two more videos.

Until then, may you have a wonderful and venomfang free day.

Venomfangx makes a moron out of himself (part 3 already >_>)

God dammit!

Just when I thought I would get a few days to recuperate, Venomfang launches another attack on my sanity. I no longer doubt that he is copying his material from some creationist website and simply acting like it's his own, because no person of Venomfang's mental capacity can use their brains with such short intervals in between. Their brain cells usually need to cool down for a few days after use. Anyway! Moving on. You'd better prepare, since this is at the same time both the most amusing and the most annoying addition to this tragic video series to date.

Go slay your sanity.

Once again the tone is set right off the bat with yet another inhumanly annoying and exaggerated, not to mention failed attempt at being funny. I had thus far thought that the most annoying thing about Venomfang was his holier-than-thou, condescending way of talking down to people, but now I learn that it's not. It's his fake laughter. If I didn't happen to know that creationists have a shitty sense of humor, I'd think that it was specifically designed to make me cry.

Update: So it seems he changed the opening of his video to one that's even more stupid. I don't know why, but for some reason he fails to recognize that the South park clip he uses is a piss take on creationists, not evolution. I did find some pleasure in the irony, but it is truly hard to even find it funny when this little weasel goes on screen and bitches about how atheists and evolutionists are the most twisted and evil people, when he is the one who thinks amputees don't deserve their limbs, and that the Jews had the Holocaust coming.

That aside, the focus is once again removed - or should I rather say kept away - from evolution. Instead, however, we get to hear about fire-breathing dinosaurs living with giant people that lived to be 800 years old, so one could consider that a fair exchange. But before that he spends some time poo-pooing at abiogenesis, which is an incomplete theory to begin with. "I don't understand this, so it's stupid and wrong" is the worn-out argument that he uses. Funny thing is, if the creationist idea that all it takes to falsify a theory is simply one's inability to understand it, then the stupidest people on the planet would also be the most apt at disproving scientific hypotheses, making them invaluable to scientific progress. Yet we rarely see creationists receive the Nobel prize. I wonder why that is...

A thing to note is that the text books that Venomfang often reads from are the exact same that are used on other creationist websites. Take a look and note how all the books quoted are from before year 2000 (the textbooks quoted by both Venomfang and his idol Kent Hovind are all on this list). Now, I don't know what this tells you, but it would seem to me that the weakest and most outdated books that can be found are repeatedly used to provide an easily refutable representation of the various scientific facts and theories that the creationists don't like. After all, why can't he just pick up ANY science book and refute what it says, if evolution is such a flawed theory? Why does he have to dive into a 1st grade text book from 1987 to find something that he can comment on?

Dishonesty is the trademark of creationists, and Venomfang is a poster boy for creationism. We see this throughout his videos, and this one is no exception. Passages from outdated books as well as quotes from people that lived before many of the major scientific breakthroughs that provide the most solid evidence for evolution support this image of creationists being lying little bastards with no real case to present. Take the quote from Sir Arthur Keith, who Venomfang quickly mentions as being from the "nineteen hundreds". He lived from 1866 to 1955. Furthermore, after a bit of research I find that not only is there never provided any source for this quote, but sir Arthur Keith actually seems to have made a great many statements in support of evolution! This quote has got bullshit written all over it. Anyway, this is all beating a dead horse and is it severely uninteresting so let's jump to the amusing bit.

And here's the thing you'll notice almost instantly: Venomfang lives in an insane and paranoid world, where scientists make up all sorts of crazy shit and therefore they can't be trusted. But he strangely seems to think that some of what they are saying is true, for he keeps falling back on things that he has no doubt read about in order to further his point. We see this throughout this moronic piece of shit video, where he haughtily talks about everything from the properties of oil under pressure to the process of fossilisation, all of which he has heard from scientists and not discovered himself. Which is it, Venom? Can scientists be trusted, or are they corrupt liars who have absolutely no idea what they're talking about? You can't simply choose which parts you want to believe in, it doesn't work like that. But since you insist that evolution is a lie, let's look at what choices that leaves you with: You will either have to say that scientists lie about everything, or that they lie about the things related to evolution. Unfortunately for you, both of those ideas have got 'conspiracy theory' written all over them. In neon.

I have wanted to write about this for a while, and maybe I will soon if you'll just give me a god damned break from commenting on your idiotic crap. Unless you set out to discover everything by yourself, from scratch, you will HAVE to trust information that you get from others. Every time you read a book on a subject, you must trust the author. If we must live in a paranoid world like yours where no one can be trusted, then what is the point of accumulated knowledge? The libraries are useless because they are filled with knowledge that cannot be trusted! You see the problem in this reasoning? Please tell me you do. You will have to give me a damned good explanation as to why scientists, who have dedicated their entire lives - their entire fucking lives, Venomfangx - to furthering the knowledge of mankind, would lie about evidence.

And yes, I know that you will start making pissy little comments about how we all hate your god and are terrified that he exists and therefore want to pretend that he's not real even if it means lying. But like most of your bullshit, this makes absolutely no sense if you spend even just a second to think about it. Would we not be acknowledging his existence if we go out of our way to lie about evidence? I know it is hard for you Venomfang, but please, think. It makes absolutely no sense for scientists to lie, as they are only interested in finding the truth and therefore have an extremely good reason not to lie. But let's just pretend for a second that scientists are indeed afraid of god and want to cover up the obvious evidence for his existence. Just for the hell of it. And of course to once again expose your masterful retardedness. Why would they make up evolution as a means to this end? As has already been pointed out to you more times than it is humanly possible to comprehend, evolution does not exclude the possibility of a god. For this reason, Venomfangx, is your argument not only not founded in reality and therefore moronic, but even if it was, it would still be wrong and therefore moronic. You fail on multiple planes of reality simultaneously. A feat that very few have accomplished.

I can therefore disregard whatever you say in your video that has to do with facts and evidence that you think support your claims, as it can be easily refuted with the following sentence: How can you trust that it isn't a lie? If science is subject to mistrust, then ALL science is subject to that mistrust.

I just owned pretty much all of your video as well as all of your videos to come I'm sure, but there is one last point I want to cover in this rant, and that is your brilliant comments concerning dinosaurs living with man. You show a passage in a 1946 "dictionary" that has a definition of 'dragon' which goes like this: Now rare. A huge serpent.

Now, disregarding what I said before about questioning your sources, how the hell can you interpret giant serpent as dinosaur? There were thousands of different dinosaurs and I cannot think of one single kind that resembled a snake even slightly. Besides, the popular concept of a dragon is a winged, fire-breathing and often many-headed bastard of a monster. I believe even your precious and infallible bible describes a dragon with seven heads at some point. Find me the dinosaur fossil with seven heads, Venomfang, and I'll give you the candy bar that your parents promised you'd get after an infinite amount of time. (This is a reference to an earlier but equally stupid video he has made about the 'proof' that god exists)

He then goes on to mention a few places in folk lore where dragons have played a part and takes this as evidence that dinosaurs lived with man. If for a moment you think that folk lore is history then you are sadly mistaken. OH! OH! But how could they all conveniently think of the same type of beast to use in their stories? They are all the same!
Wrong, asshole, they are as different as cats and dogs. The only traits they share in common (for the most part) are their fire-breathing ability and theior wings. And I don't think you'll find many people who'll tell you that the T-rex killed its prey by breathing on it.
"Here's the T-rex. It was a ferocious killer and the most feared of all the predators of its time. It would single out its prey and run it down with its huge leg muscles, using its massive tail for balance as it ran. After having closed the distance sufficiently, it would then open its maw wide and launch a gigantic ball of flame at its prey. Oh, and it also had wings so it could escape the forest fires that invariably followed."

It's been fun Venomfang, and I can truly say that I'm looking forward to your next attempt at making yourself look like an even bigger idiot.

Venomfangx makes a moron out of himself (part 2 and still going!)

Whoa, he's picked up the pace, or he's found a great new source of material that he can steal and call his own. Regardless, part two of this ongoing and increasingly epic self-humiliation is out. Watch it if you dare.

You'll notice that Venom somehow forgot that he started his video with a joke, since the first thing he announces after appearing on screen, is that he wishes to start with a joke. Fail. Fail on more than one plane of reality. While I personally appreciate the warning so I can mentally prepare, it's usually a good idea not to let people know when you're trying to be funny. It saps every last shred of fun out of whatever you're saying and makes you look like an idiot. Anyway, the joke itself, besides being completely devoid of humor, is a display of a favourite creationist tactic: Moving the target. It goes like, "well, so evolution explains how life evolved, but it doesn't explain where life came from." And then when we explain how life formed, they'll say that it still doesn't explain where matter came from. So basically, they keep retreating to the next unknown, until they finally get to the point where science indeed doesn't have an answer (yet). For example, the origin of the laws of physics. It is a dishonest tactic that is usually used by creationists when backed against the wall, which is why I find it strangely out of place this early in the video. For it effectively shifts the conversation away from the subject at hand, and Venomfang here uses it in a video that is supposed to be about evolution, resulting in his arguments already not addressing evolution anymore.

Yeah, that's right. Venomfang actually made a video about evolution, in which his opening lines shift the subject away from evolution. This is apparent in his next few minutes of idiotic rambling where he talks about the limitations of his imagination being proof that something cannot happen. Let's just quickly address it, shall we? You own inability to comprehend or think of a concept has never been proof that it is impossible to happen. The backbone of his "argument" is that nothing can only create nothing, and therefore something must have always existed. Besides being completely unfounded in reality, this is a brilliant display of Venomfang's lack of ability to use his imagination.

Let's just suppose that nothingness splits up into two parts, one being the absolute opposite of the other. Would you not still have nothing, only divided into two parts? See, there's this thing called anti-matter, which is just that; The complete opposite of matter. Expose a matter atom to an anti-matter atom, and they will annihilate each other. So we could say that having a matter atom and an anti-matter atom is the same as having nothing, only it is nothingness that has been split into two parts. All this does, of course, is show how Venomfang's inability to fathom such a concept does not mean that there is not that possibility. I know that applying matter to anti-matter releases vast amount of energy, leaving the equation unfinished, but it still shows that there are possibilities beyond what the limited mind of Venomfang can grasp. This applies to every single piece of retardedness that he spews during the first 4 minutes, including his "god proof".

We have now passed the first 4 minutes of this video as well as the entire part 1 video, and still we haven't touched upon the subject of evolution in the slightest. Surely, we must get there now?
This is what I, in my naivety, thought as his moronic ramble finally came to an end.

"So let's talk a little bit about the Big Bang."

Venomfangx, I now have a concussion because of you. It took me 20 minutes to regain my senses after smacking my head against the wall. I gather from what you say that you have indeed heard many times that the big bang theory is unrelated to evolution. Why, then, do you refuse to accept it? I'll tell you why, because I know full well: You still think that evolution = atheism. You then go on to attack evolution as though it were a theory that god does not exist, which results in the severe idiocy that makes up your video. There are shitloads of theistic evolutionists out there, and I cannot for the life of me imagine how you can have overlooked that fact. If you make a video about evolution then PLEASE, for the sake of my sanity, have it deal with the subject of evolution.

Wait, he managed to stuff more shit into his 11 minute video? Never underestimate the power of professional stupidity. It is pointed out by Venomfang, that the thought size of the singularity that spawned the Big Bang has changed as science has become more and more advanced. I guess this is supposed to demonstrate that science cannot be trusted, and that scientists are just making all this stuff up! What he of course fails to realize, is that a self-correcting theory is always more reliable than one that has claimed to have the answer for the last 2000 years regardless of the evidence. Besides, the size of the singularity is such an insignificant little thing to pick at.

Moar! Venomfang proceeds to repeat lots of the same stupid shit, so I really won't touch upon that. Rather, he takes figures on the growth in population and, being the imbecile that he is, reverses that formula in order to estimate the population as it was some four thousand years back. Completely ignoring the huge difference in lifetime expectancy throughout the years as well as the epidemics, the wars, hunger, natural disasters, the increase in technology etc., he then finds that around 2000 b.c. the world's population would be around eight people.
That means that around 2000 bc. there were eight humans of Earth. Eight humans, folks.

Since I am at a complete loss for words as to describe just how horrendously stupid this guy is, I am glad that he says things like this that speak for themselves. Truly, it says more about him than I ever could.

Now for the most interesting part! Tadaaa!!! Dinosaurs!
Dinosaurs lived with man as the bible teaches "many, many, many times".
This amounts to 9 different passages where the word 'dragon' appears. Now, this obviously proves that dinosaurs lived with man. I mean, it's just like how that passage in Psalm that talks about unicorns proves that they existed as well. Oh wait, there have never been any dragons or unicorns found. My point is, noone other than the author himself knows what was meant by dragon, or unicorn for that matter. And there is never given any description of these dragons that are supposedly meant to be taken litterally, as opposed to the many places in the bible where strange terms are used figuratively. If god being a rock is meant to be taken figuratively, then tell me why someone being a brother to dragons is to be taken literally. In my personal opinion, there are as many denominations of christianity as there are interpretatinos of the bible. Many christians embrace evolution, and who are you to say that they are wrong in their interpretation, you little arrogant snake?

Well, That's all.. For two videos now, Venomfangx has avoided talking about evolution, in spite of his video titles. Regardless, the next one ought to be good: The flood!

Venomfangx makes a moron out of himself (part 1, it seems)

Well, this got out sooner that I had anticipated, and it was way better than I'd hoped for.

Go check! Laugh, scream, vomit, writhe in pain and then come back here.

The first thing you'll notice is that Venomfangx sets the standard for his whole video in the opening, which is about the most torturous attempt at exaggerated humor I have ever encountered, on the net and elsewhere. You know it's gonna be good when you have to pause the video and /facedesk repeatedly before the first 10 seconds have passed. Anyway, the video starts with him emerging from his lair behind some big ass TV (I wonder whose house he dwells in, and if the owners even know that there's a little creationist rat living behind their TV). He then performs a series of dance moves to some shitty music, after which he has some sort of seizure. After a few seconds of this, it cuts to another scene where he has apparently recovered enough to be able to talk. And so it begins...

He says many horribly stupid things in the first few sentences alone, so I'll just address them individually.. The first thing he says, is that whenever evolutionists are confronted with the question of whether evolution is true or not, they plug their ears and start humming (a defensive technique developed and perfected by creationists through many generations). He says that we simply cannot stand the thought that maybe evolution isn't true and therefore we refuse to even entertain the idea. 'Cause we love evolution so god damned much. Being descended from ape-like ancestors is exactly my idea of awesomeness. This is something that creationists often do, and I also mentioned in my 'things that annoy me about creationists' series. It's called projection, where you accuse others of exactly that which you are guilty of yourself. For indeed, this is exactly my experience when debating creationists, which is why I take it as a huge insult when a creationist says it about me.

Also, why the hell would we care that much about evolution? What is it about it that makes it so great that we want to protect it even if it means lying? I don't find the prospect of us evolving from microbes that crawled around on the seafloor to be particularly grand. I have absolutely no emotional attachment to evolution, which is exactly why Venomfang's argument is a perfect display of his complete lack in mental prowess. It doesn't make sense for us to want to defend evolution with dishonesty.

It does get interesting, however, if we turn that argument 180 degrees and aim it at Mrs. Venom an his creationist cronies. For creationists DO have a reason to defend their viewpoint without it being supported by evidence. They want to believe in god, and as soon as that is established, Venomfang's "argument" applies to himself. He would of course say that just because one has an emotional attachment to something doesn't mean that it's false. Which is exactly why it is moronic of him to attempt to attack evolutionists in this manner in the first place.

This sort of brings me to his next point. Venomfang poses the question: What are the implications if evolution is not true? Anyone who has ever debated a creationist knows what's coming now, and most of them are probably already /facepalming so forcefully that they are in danger of knocking themselves out. What Venomfang is entertaining here is the supremely retarded notion that there are only two choices: Evolution or god. This will then give merit to his earlier claim that we evolutionists only defend evolution because we can't stand the alternative. You know, all that crap about us hating god and not wanting to be held accountable for our actions etc. However, only in the extremely limited mind of Venomfang will it ever be a choice between these two.

First of all, if it's not evolution, then it can still be any other conceivable natural process that we just haven't discovered yet. Take for instance the theory of spontaneous generation. That is an alternative to evolution, which also requires no god to be involved. Now, just in case some creationist is thinking of leaving a message saying something along the lines of, "Well, spontaneous generation was proven wrong over 200 years ago, so that's not a viable alternative!"... Well, so was creationism so that's not a viable alternative either. Secondly, evolution is perfectly compatible with theology. True, it is not compatible with your immensely idiotic concept of god, but I can easily think up an infinite number of other gods that are 100% compatible with evolution.

And even though this has been pointed out trillions of times to people people like Venom, the fact that they are too god damned stupid to grasp a concept doesn't disprove anything other than the theory that they are, or have ever been, in possession of a functioning brain.

The last point I want to touch on, before this gets too long-winded, is his claim that evolution constitutes a world view that is devoid of morality and which views living things as worthless pieces of matter. Venomfang, you said that you believed in evolution until you were 21 years old. Did you actually hold such ideas for all that time? Once again it is displayed just what the implications of god not being real would mean to these people. Apparently they would pick up sledgehammers and start bashing little children's heads in to their hearts' content, as it is a desire buried dep in their nature. Only god keeps them from actually doing it, just as I'm sure god is the only one who is keeping Venomfang in that closet.

Well, that's it for now. There was a "part 1" in this video's title, signifying that there are sequels to come. So far he hasn't done anything that even vaguely resembles an attack on the theory of evolution, but I guess he just wanted to start out slow so as to not make us evolutionists cry.



Favourite quotes from this video (and comments!):

"Before this video and the following videos get extremely scientific in nature..." Bwahahaha!!!

"We're gonna be flipping through text books and showing you what the evolutionists are saying, and showing you that they're absolutely wrong and ridiculous." All in less than 10 minutes, mind you.

"God is too big of a concept for some people." Evolution is too big a concept for stupid people.

"Is it possible that god designed life with the ability to create offspring with varying sizes? Yes." A magnificent self-pwn. We now have the two necessary premises for evolution to happen: Variation between generations, and natural selection.

The weekly dose of fail.

Fail machine Venomfangx "made" another video. I use the term very loosely here, as you will understand once you watch it. I don't recommend watching the whole 11 minutes, since the otherwise beautiful animation is mutilated in regular intervals by text comments added by the little weasel. Go watch it and then come back here.

Now, I have only one question for Venomfangx:

Did you just steal 10 minutes worth of video and animation that someone else put together and added moronic text to it, no doubt without their permission, and it still took you over a week to do it?

It has been well over a week since his last video was released, so if we assume that he hadn't made any preparations on beforehand, it took him about 9 days to construct the thirty or so three-word sentences that appear in the video. To be fair, I should probably mention that he had to spell check them too. One more thing... When you are watching the video, go to 10:52 and pause. You should see the following:

"VenomFangX disproves Evolution coming soon."

I can't fucking wait, folks.

Also, I am sure that he is not aware of this (he is a moron after all), but with this message he's actually admitting that his previous efforts in achieving this very goal have all been fruitless. So now he's saying, "This time I'll get it right for sure!"

Well, look forward to it then. I'll probably be making a commentary on that future video if the stupidity levels are sufficiently high for it to be entertaining for you.

So long!

Needless adjectives and crazy shit...

I saw something rather strange today, and it got me thinking. Have you ever wondered about the fact that the commercial world tends to use stupid, unnecessary, or just downright strange words to describe its products in order to make us, the mindless consumer, more prone to buying it? This revelation came to me in a rather strange fashion while I was on the bus earlier today. I was sort of spacing out and watching this our mysterious world rushing from right to left, when suddenly I caught a glimpse of a pizza parlor that I hadn't noticed before. On the window of the building was written in big ,white letters: Dino Pizza.

Yep, that's right folks. Dino fucking pizza.

Now, there was nothing about the interior of the building as far as I could see that would suggest any sort of dinosaur theme going on in there (in which case I would still find it strange and disturbing). And so, it seemed to me like an absolute mystery. Why would any sane person make up the name Dino Pizza for his shop? Seriously, why? The only reason I can think of is if the owner is a creationist, since they actually believe that dinosaurs aren't extinct. But then again... If I made pizzas with strange, supposedly extinct things in them, I wouldn't want the name of my shop to be a dead give away. At the very least I'd wait for my customers to have stuffed their faces full of the disgusting shit before telling them that the secret ingredient is velociraptor.

After wondering about this pizza guy's amazing naming sense for a while, I remembered another pizza parlor that had me baffled in a similar way in the past. In this instance, the building's window displayed the words 'Kimo Pizza' along with an illustration of what I can only describe as a bald, wrinkled gnome wearing a chef's hat. "Gnome from hell will eat your toes!" was the kind of feeling I got from that logo. But apart from that, there is no such word in Danish as 'kimo'. The closest word that I can think of (And indeed I did associate to this word when I first saw the name) is 'kemo', which refers to chemotherapy. Not the most fortunate naming sense.

These are both examples of the strangeness that can be encountered in the commercial world, but that's not all. For what really gets to me, is when needless adjectives are thrown at something in order to make it appear more desirable to our droned consumer minds. Adjectives where, if the opposite word was true, no one would want to bloody buy it. For example, there exists a baker here in Denmark called The Good Baker. Now think about that for a minute. Besides the fact that I would personally find it to be a completely awesome joke, not a single person would ever dream of calling himself The Evil Baker, now would he? There is no point in calling yourself a good baker, because not many people would assume that the opposite is the case if you forgot to mention it on your merchant's shingle. I have yet to hear about anyone entering McDonalds and asking, "Um, excuse me, can your burgers be eaten? 'Cause the sign outside doesn't say 'EDIBLE McDonalds'."

Just to put into perspective what the implications of this tendency could be, I'll tell you about a sort of counter-reaction to this phenomenon that I witnessed some years back when I was on the ferry to Norway on vacation. There were these big, white boxes scattered all over the deck, supposedly containing life jackets and whatnot.. Thing is, there were these big stickers on all of them that stated clearly in big, red letters: Does not contain narcotics.



















I mean, isn't that kind of like going to a police station, calling out an officer and then proceed to yelling at him: "I AM NOT A SUSPICIOUS PERSON AT ALL!!" And that's the kind of world we're asking for if it becomes the norm to point out obvious things that need not be pointed out in the first place.

'Friendly' is another needless adjective that I've seen in use several places in the commercial world. Friendly plumber service... Well, what would be the alternative? Hostile plumber service? I imagine that guy won't get too many customers. It's like these words are only added to give us a pleasant association so that me might ease our grips on our wallets. However, I don't respond in this way, quite on the contrary actually. I think it's ridiculous and also slightly annoying and every time I see it used about a products I attempt to avoid said product. I think it's time that we bring a little contrast into the world. Whenever we see shops like The Good baker or The Happy Barber, we should demand that the antithesis of that shop be placed on the opposite side of the street, so that facing The Good Baker would be The Evil Baker, while facing The Happy Barber would be The Depressed Barber.

Maybe that'll teach them to stop that crazy shit... Or maybe not. Humans are pretty stupid after all.

Stupid god damn drama fest.

I will now voice my full and uncensored opinion on the events that have recently played out on the forum Baka-Wolf. Just so you know: This will be interesting only for members of the Baka-Wolf community, as it deals with the recent drama bullshit that's been going on over there. Unless you like stupid amounts of drama... Okay, this will be interesting for everyone.

You probably know the story; The site admin, having big real life problems and being at his wit's end, used some money from the BW donation jar to support himself and his family without letting the donors know about it. He subsequently made a thread where he explained the situation and admitted to having stolen some of the donation money (Yes, he did steal by the definition of the word). Now, what I've grown really tired of during this whole incident, is seeing people act like the only thing in question is whether or not he was right in stealing money to save his family. I don't think anyone would argue that he's a bad person for doing that. But the question that most people seem not to ask, is what he should have done in the time leading up to this situation in order to prevent it. It is utterly nonconstructive, of course, which is why most people - myself included - haven't mentioned it on the forum. It simply isn't relevant to the discussion. But thing is, most people don't even seem to take account of this very important question, which is what annoys me. It is, after all, essential when evaluating his capabilities as a leader of the site.

So it needs to be said: He should have stopped being an admin the moment he realized that he could not do that job while at the same time supporting his family. If you're a responsible person, you make sure that you don't set out on a project that you can't see through to its completion.
Therefore, spending 16 hours a day on an internet page while your real life is falling apart is a bad idea, especially if that drives you to use the site's donation money for yourself without asking the donors. To sum up what I'm trying to get at: Had he taken the right course of action, he wouldn't have gotten himself in such a shitty situation in the first place. While all this is indeed relevant to keep in mind as you decide on the degree of trust you will place in his judgement from now on, it's just stupid to bring it up in the discussion that's been going on over at the forum. Stop it folks. Because fact is, it HAS happened. We already find ourselves in this shitty situation, and pointing out what should have been done to prevent it doesn't change anything and only invites flame wars and ridiculous amounts of drama.

This leads me to the more pleasant part of my opinion in this matter, which is also the part that I voiced on the forum. Let us skip all the BS about what should have been done, and jump to the point where his life is falling apart and he needs money just to give his family a roof over their heads. Taking money from people who were going to give it away anyway in order to help your family isn't the worst sin in my eyes. Let's face it, we all thought Robin Hood was a pretty good guy. Even Disney thought so.

The site admin even admitted himself that it was wrong of him. Call me naïve, but I truly believe that he is feeling bad about it. I believe in judging people on their intentions and not their actual crimes, and by that measure his "crime" is not that severe. Furthermore, I am now going to make the same argument that I made on the forum as to why I hardly think what he did can even be considered stealing (other than in the strictly literal sense of the word):
The donation money were intended to support the site and keep it alive. If the situation is such that the site goes with the admin, then they serve this purpose regardless. If I were a donor I would be happy knowing that my money had been put to use not only in keeping the site on the air, but also to help actual people get through a tough time. This is a leap of faith, but I believe that most of the site donors share these sentiments. The real irony is, of course, that if he'd come clean and told the donors about the situation, most of them would probably agree to let their donations go to him without him having to "steal" them.

Now for another point, which I hesitate to share on the forum because I truly don't know whether it will help resolve anything or if it will simply serve to cause more drama. The admin has, at the time of writing this article, decided to leave his post effective immediately. I find that there is a problem with this, because it effectively negates the mitigating circumstances of my previous argument. If you view the money he took as serving the purpose of keeping the site running then the donors have, so to speak, paid to have the admin in place for the rest of the month. The absurdity of that phrase aside, it makes sense that the money donated should serve their purpose until the end of the month. Therefore, I actually believe that he now has a duty to stay until the beginning of the new month, after which he is free to leave. It should be no different than when the money is used to pay for a server - if we choose to view the money as still serving the purpose of keeping the site running.

In conclusion: I believe that the site admin acted the only way a human can when his loved ones are in trouble. I do not blame him for his actions, and I actually believe that it shows a level of humanity that I don't possess myself. I'm a cynical bastard for the most part. Was he wrong to take the money without consulting the donors? Absolutely. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I view the donations as having been used to the same end as they have been any other month. I think he has the right, and perhaps even the duty to "step down" in light of this incident, but he is also duty-bound to make sure that the site will stay up now that he has gotten involved in its survival to this degree. And if he does come back I will still trust him. I will, however, advice him to exercise better foresight in the future to avoid stupid situations like this.

In the unlikely event that he reads this: Come back if you feel that you are up to the task. You were a competent leader in any other respect, and I will, along with many others, welcome you back with open arms and a trust that is in no way reduced.