Gay Zombies and Heil Machines...

Or in other words, phenomena that we will never see in this world. This article is dedicated to all the concepts that won't ever be realized. Which I think is a tremendous shame, don't you?

I mean, I'd absolutely love to see a gay zombie, but zombies aren't supposed to be gay. Their very nature requires them to limp around, hungering for brains, wanting nothing more than to tear the living into tiny, bite-sized shreds. A gay zombie would arguably be the worst possible way of achieving this, which is why we never see gay zombies in the horror movies. A zombie prancing around in a pink shirt with frills just doesn't serve the purpose that zombies are supposed to serve. Let alone the fact that hearing it go "Braaaains" in a gay voice would instantly strangle the horror-element.

There are so many concepts that will never reach fruition simply because they can't compete or don't serve a purpose. Since I've always had a soft spot for the underdog, this makes me very sad. Hence, I am writing this rant in honor of all the things that aren't needed, or never even thought of. The heil machine is another example. Who the hell needs a machine to heil for you anyway? Sure, it might have come in handy in Nazi Germany, but in this day I don't really see the point. And even back then I bet it wouldn't have had the same effect if, during Hitler's speeches, the audience had all pressed the start button on their heil machines, instead of roaring "SIEG HEIL" in unison. It just doesn't have the same mass hypnotic effect, does it? That's another great idea down the drain because it couldn't meet the harsh demands of this cruel world.

And the list just goes on and on. Anything that you CAN'T think of is just another unsung phenomena that won't ever see the light of day. Like cars that eat people, or levitating penguins. We won't ever see cups that drink the liquid themselves, just like we won't ever see creationists with a positive value IQ. Never shall a heil machine be built, and gay zombies will forever remain only in our imaginations. Alas.

Think of something insane and crazy today and give it a big, warm hug in your mind. Yes please. Okay that's it. Get out of here. Shoo!